Characters on Wonderfalls
Occupation: Retail Clerk/Fate’s Bitch
Hobbies/Interests: none (unless you count being spiteful)
To put it bluntly, Jaye Tyler is a slacker. She’s overeducated, underemployed, and lives in a trailer park. However, in the grand scheme of things, she does have a purpose — she just doesn’t know what it is yet. For now, all she can do is follow instructions while she waits for the proverbial Vanna to turn over a few more letters.
I don’t have a choice. I’m a puppet. The universe sticks its hand up my butt, and if I don’t dance, people get hurt.
Hobbies/Interests: Having good facial hair
It’s difficult to say which makes Jaye crazier: talking animal figurines, or Eric Gotts. Eric came to Niagara falls for his honeymoon, but ended up severely damaged after walking in on an “incident” involving his new wife, a bellman, and some 800-thread-count hotel sheets. Now he’s abandoned his old life to work (and live) at The Barrel, a bar frequented by a certain mysterious girl who hears voices...
If someone tastes good, they have compatible saliva. If someone tastes bad, then you probably shouldn’t be kissing them.
Mahandra “don’t-call-me-Janet” McGinty
Occupation: Cocktail Waitress
Hobbies/Interests: Plotting revenge against highschool tormentors, exploiting Native American tribes to pay off her student loans, drinking at work
Jaye’s best friend Mahandra is much more than just a token black girl; she’s practically a member of the Tyler family! She’s also Jaye’s anchor to the world of the sane... but then, she’s got slightly different views when it comes to defining “crazy.” It will take more than a few talking animals to make Mahandra give up on Jaye
You may be the universe’s butt-puppet, but I am its right-hand fist of fate.
Occupation: Immigration Attorney
Hobbies/Interests: Using the Republican party as a dating-service, member of C.L.A.W. (Concerned Ladies of America West)
Peanut butter: Smooth
Sharon, the oldest daughter, is probably the flakiest member of the Tyler family. She’s a relatively successful lawyer, which comes in handy when you’ve got a little sister like Jaye. She’s also a closet lesbian, a secret that only Jaye knows. Sharon has a mean competitive streak which surfaces every now and then. She is disappointed by Jaye’s slacker attitude, and wants her younger sister to start acting her age.
Are you people high?
Occupation: Atheist Theologian
Hobbies/Interests: Exorcism and all things exorcism-related; contemplating life, the universe and everything
Aaron Tyler may live at home with his parents, but he is still considered more successful than Jaye. He has several theology degrees but still thinks that he could use at least one more.
Meaninglessness in a universe that has no meaning, that I get. But meaninglessness in a universe that has meaning... what does it mean?
Occupation: Author of Travel Guides
Hobbies/Interests: Writing travel guides (duh!), matchmaking
Karen Tyler wishes that she could be closer to her daughter Jaye, but feels that there is an unknown obstacle between them. Naturally, talking animals isn’t her first guess, but her mother’s intuition tells her that something is wrong.
Your sister’s not a cold-blooded murderer. She’s never been a planner.
Hobbies/Interests: All things Republican
Darrin Tyler is the right-wing father of some seriously left-wing children. He’s the prototypical American family dad; you’d almost expect white picket fences to start sprouting out of his front lawn. Darrin values the little things in life, like pizza night in the kitchen, game night with the family, or kicking back with some warm milk, cookies, and a copy of “Made in Texas.”
You don’t just start popping pills because you feel a little down. There are other ways to deal with depression. Sweetheart, when’s the last time you had an orgasm?
Hobbies/Interests: Timing the phone calls of others, being a tool
Alec is an enterprising highschool student, complete with the bowl-cut to end all bowl-cuts. He’s also Jaye’s supervisor at Wonderfalls. To say that he’s a stickler for rules would be an understatement; this guy’s more anal than a rectal thermometer. Naturally, there’s been some friction between him and Jaye at the workplace.
Just so you know, I’ve got a deviated septum. And I have to wait three more years for my cartilage to stop growing before I can have the surgery.
Dr. Ron Campbell
Hobbies/Interests: Collecting decorative bookends, being paid to listen to problems
Dr. Ron sees a lot of the Tyler family. Karen frequents his office regularly, Jaye grudgingly visits on occasion, and even Aaron pays him a visit. Suffice to say that the Tylers aren’t the most balanced family out there. Dr. Ron enjoys his work (despite the occasional stabbing incident), but when it comes to Jaye he may be in over his head. He has many degrees and credentials, but dealing with talking animal souvenirs wasn’t exactly his major.
If you’d like to speak to the Monkey in private I could step into the next room.
Occupation: Philandering Strumpet
Hobbies/Interests: “Room service”, fuzzy white coats, bed linens
Just because she “wiped herself with her last wedding vows” doesn’t mean that Heidi’s out of the picture yet. She’s a menacing woman with a history of poisoning her problems. She refuses to accept that her marriage to Eric is over, and when she returns to Niagara Falls, Jaye’s whole world gets even more twisted than it already was.
If you make trouble for me, I will make trouble for you.